Today was my 53rd birthday. Even though I am not the girl I once was, I have made it 53 years and don't look too worse for the wear. My day started off with me oversleeping. I woke up at 6:06. Pulling my self out of bed, thinking I hate mornings. I don't hate morning in and of itself, I hate morning before 7:30 or 8:00. I made my way into the bathroom with Kitten right on my heals. Every morning we play the game "How fast can you close your make up drawer before I steal your brushes." Nothing beats chasing a cat around early in the morning with a $25.00 make up brush in her mouth. Then we play "I am going to try to drink water while you brush your teeth. And, my personal favorite. I am going to keep you from putting your pants on. Even though I get a little put out, she is just so darned cute I have a hard time staying mad. But, this morning I did not have time. But, I made time to snuggle with her before I put my contacts in for the day. She got her morning face time and I gave her a can of tuna. I know she is spoiled. Maritza called and wanted to make sure I was coming into work because she wanted to remind me today was Cheryl;s birthday. "No, it's my birthday Maritza, Cheryl's is Friday."
I made my way to work. Entering my office I found balloons and decorations. And a spa gift certificate. The day before I had come so close to going in for a massage, but was just too worn out. It had been a ruse to make sure I was coming into work. Kids sang me happy birthday. Hugs were a plenty. But, my favorite part of the day was the cards from my life skills students. The best part of my day is greeting them as they get off the bus. Each day they are so happy. I just love them. Each one made me a card. I didn't know Mrs. Conner could be spelled so many ways. But, each had the same thought. My friends Melody and Ann Marie took me to lunch. And, I was asked by one of my students to come to his speech class to see his speech. I was honored. My daughter had her 4th grade class sing me happy birthday. My son called and sang me happy birthday. It was an awesome day.
When I got home, my son and daughter-in-law brought Mexican food over and a cake. It was a wonderful day. Not a ton of money was spent. Just people wishing me well. It dawned on me that is what we need to do every day even if it is not someone's birthday. We need to make people know they matter. A kind word, a smile, a pat on the back don't cost a thing, but are worth their weight in gold. So, tomorrow take the time to let someone know they do a good job and that you appreciate what they do for you. As my mother used to say you catch a whole lot more flies with honey than vinegar. Because in reality you may not know what that person in going through personally, so little things like feeling appreciated will fuel their fires. And who knows they may even pay it forward. I know I will.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Angels Among Us
Have you ever been feeling real down and all of the sudden a person from your past re-enters you life? And, like a gentle wind, your sails seem to catch air again and you are off? I believe that this is God working through our friends. Several years ago my very best friend from high school developed breast cancer. It was really weird, I had been thinking about her all week long but knew I had lost her phone number and it was unlisted. In fact, the idea that she would have to eventually contact me ran through my head several times. Then one afternoon, I was cleaning out my car and voila.....her address and phone number. Having no idea how this got in my car, I reached for my cell phone and called her. I listened quietly as she told me her diagnosis. I checked on her frequently and was never more happy to hear she was a survivor. As a matter of fact, do you remember the great evacuation of Houston for Hurricane Rita? I was in that traffic headed up to Dallas for her "It's Great to Be Alive Party." Since then we have reconnected and speak more often but not as often as I would like. No, I don't think I am an angel who came into her life. I think she is the angel that came into mine. In her I have found someone who I can confide my deepest fears and hopes. Last night we had the honor of having the last blood transfusion appointment at MD Anderson. At 8:30 p.m. (that's right folks- night 30 minutes prior to my bedtime) we were waiting to have blood. I posted this to Facebook, not expecting to hear from anyone. But, within 20 minutes my phone rang. My dear friend called to check on me. We were beginning to make our way to the blood center so the conversation was not as long as I would have liked. She always ends her conversation with let me know when I need to come down and help. I don't think I can ever tell her how much those words touch me because I know without a shadow of a doubt she means every last word. And, if needed she would hop on the next plane out of Dallas and would be here ASAP. Friends like that come along only rarely. She is a true angel to me.
As many of you picked up on the fact that I have begun to feel very alone. And, last week several of my sorority sisters were on my mind. Once again, I had no way to get in tough with them. Then suddenly out of the blue, I get a friend request from one and I was able to make contact with another. Their kind and encouraging words touched me more than they will know and I am counting on a Phi Mu Houston Reunion.
Finally, we have a couple of sets of friends. One couple we have been friends with for 30 years. We have lived a lifetime together. They- generally, the husband, have talked me into doing things I wouldn't normally do. And, we have shared a lifetime of memories and good times. They have helped run our business, had bridal showers for our daughter-in-law, and have come to the hospital more than I can count. Another couple, now gives blood on a regular basis in Patrick's name on top of sending several home cooked meals to us when we were at St. Luke's (the food is awful there). And, a third couple will drop what they are doing just to have dinner with us. And, I know that if I need a place to hide out for a couple of hours in a peaceful environment, I can go there. And, I know there is always beer in the fridge. Knowing these people are out there allows me to know that if I need a breather I just need to call.
Finally, all the other people in Houston and around Texas who have put Patrick's name on their churches and synagoges prayer lists but who are too numerous to even count have renewed my faith in people as a whole. As a counselor, I have heard horrible things that have happened to other people. And, to keep my sanity, I have to be able to remove myself from some of these conversations. I will listen clincally. Many of the things I have been told are so horrible that my heart hurts for these children. How can people treat others- especially a child- like that is beyond me. So, I have to admit that a wall had been building to protect myself. But, by the actions of all these people, I was no longer transfixed on the horrors of life, but was actually transformed. Only angels can do something of that magnitude. So, the lesson I have learned through this is that angels come in all forms. They are your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers, and your family who are there to support you when you can't go the distance alone.
As many of you picked up on the fact that I have begun to feel very alone. And, last week several of my sorority sisters were on my mind. Once again, I had no way to get in tough with them. Then suddenly out of the blue, I get a friend request from one and I was able to make contact with another. Their kind and encouraging words touched me more than they will know and I am counting on a Phi Mu Houston Reunion.
Finally, we have a couple of sets of friends. One couple we have been friends with for 30 years. We have lived a lifetime together. They- generally, the husband, have talked me into doing things I wouldn't normally do. And, we have shared a lifetime of memories and good times. They have helped run our business, had bridal showers for our daughter-in-law, and have come to the hospital more than I can count. Another couple, now gives blood on a regular basis in Patrick's name on top of sending several home cooked meals to us when we were at St. Luke's (the food is awful there). And, a third couple will drop what they are doing just to have dinner with us. And, I know that if I need a place to hide out for a couple of hours in a peaceful environment, I can go there. And, I know there is always beer in the fridge. Knowing these people are out there allows me to know that if I need a breather I just need to call.
Finally, all the other people in Houston and around Texas who have put Patrick's name on their churches and synagoges prayer lists but who are too numerous to even count have renewed my faith in people as a whole. As a counselor, I have heard horrible things that have happened to other people. And, to keep my sanity, I have to be able to remove myself from some of these conversations. I will listen clincally. Many of the things I have been told are so horrible that my heart hurts for these children. How can people treat others- especially a child- like that is beyond me. So, I have to admit that a wall had been building to protect myself. But, by the actions of all these people, I was no longer transfixed on the horrors of life, but was actually transformed. Only angels can do something of that magnitude. So, the lesson I have learned through this is that angels come in all forms. They are your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers, and your family who are there to support you when you can't go the distance alone.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Buddy, Me and Mr. C
For those of you who know me, you know I made the comment I would never ever own a male dog. This came after a particularly traumatic event when Ashely, then four, called me to the window and wanted to know what Rascal, our male Bulldog, was doing with the lawn chair pillow. I never looked at the lawn chair the same way again. And, vowed never to own another male dog.
We were rocking along. I had a wonderful experience with a female Boston Terrier, Missy. She is still with us at 16 and still ticking. No, she is not as fast as she once was. Now she reminds me of Aunt Clara off of Bewitched or Helen Keller. She runs into things and can pee at will. The kids have tried to prepare me for the inevitable, but I don't want to go there -not yet anyway. Then there is Buffy, a lovable, yet not so intelligent Pug. Her claim to fame was being able to sing when Ashley or I would yell at J.R. to get up. We also have had numerous female felines who have come in and out of our lives. But, one day my luck came to an end.
As empty nesters, Patrick and I had settled into our own routine. One day he came in and told me that he was tired of being the only male in our house and he wanted another boy. Gasp!!!!! We are too old to be parents again."
"No, I don't want another child I want a dog."
"Patrick we have two dogs and a cat we don't need anymore animals."
"Oh come on, what about adopting an animal."
"No! Absolutely not."
"Well, I bought us ticket to go to the Pug Rescue event."
What? A rescue event???? "Patrick I will go but we are not, I repeat not adopting a dog. We can give to the cause but nothing more. Do you understand?" These were my famous last words. Two weeks later we had gone through the adoption process and were being delivered our precious Buddy. Buddy had been through numerous homes. When Pug Hearts got him he had no hair. And he only had slightly more when we got him. He was gotten for Patrick, however, you know who he immediately gravitated to- you got it me. We were fine and then I inherited 105 pounds of insane energy and love in the form of Mr. C. Like boy dogs, I didn't do large dogs either. But, here I am today my backyard is like a minefield, with my boys who I have to admit love me unconditionally. No matter what kind of mood I am in they are there for me. And it is through them that I am able to truly appreciate life in the moment.
Dogs are not the smartest of creatures. Yes, they have some intelligence, but I don't think they don't have memories like you and I. They know how to live for the moment. All they ask is that you scratch their bellies or throw a ball for them. Nothing more.....food, water, attention and love. That's all. So today I decided to be like Buddy and Mr. C- just live in the moment. I made Patrick get out of bed and dressed. He was very tired, but he had told me he wanted to eat at Topwater Grille one more time before he went into the hospital. I loaded up the car with our camp chairs. We ate a wonderful lunch and then we just parked and watched the gulls and pelicans, boats, and fisherman come and go. We just soaked in the sun and truly enjoyed the moment. Quietly we sat with the wind on our faces and the sun shining down drinking in life. For a while nothing else mattered, we were just a normal 50 something couple enjoying the day. It was fabulous. And to think, I had Buddy and Mr. C with their craziness and unbridled love to thank for this moment. Thanks guys.....We can learn a lot from our 4 legged friends if we would just take the time to observe and listen..
We were rocking along. I had a wonderful experience with a female Boston Terrier, Missy. She is still with us at 16 and still ticking. No, she is not as fast as she once was. Now she reminds me of Aunt Clara off of Bewitched or Helen Keller. She runs into things and can pee at will. The kids have tried to prepare me for the inevitable, but I don't want to go there -not yet anyway. Then there is Buffy, a lovable, yet not so intelligent Pug. Her claim to fame was being able to sing when Ashley or I would yell at J.R. to get up. We also have had numerous female felines who have come in and out of our lives. But, one day my luck came to an end.
As empty nesters, Patrick and I had settled into our own routine. One day he came in and told me that he was tired of being the only male in our house and he wanted another boy. Gasp!!!!! We are too old to be parents again."
"No, I don't want another child I want a dog."
"Patrick we have two dogs and a cat we don't need anymore animals."
"Oh come on, what about adopting an animal."
"No! Absolutely not."
"Well, I bought us ticket to go to the Pug Rescue event."
What? A rescue event???? "Patrick I will go but we are not, I repeat not adopting a dog. We can give to the cause but nothing more. Do you understand?" These were my famous last words. Two weeks later we had gone through the adoption process and were being delivered our precious Buddy. Buddy had been through numerous homes. When Pug Hearts got him he had no hair. And he only had slightly more when we got him. He was gotten for Patrick, however, you know who he immediately gravitated to- you got it me. We were fine and then I inherited 105 pounds of insane energy and love in the form of Mr. C. Like boy dogs, I didn't do large dogs either. But, here I am today my backyard is like a minefield, with my boys who I have to admit love me unconditionally. No matter what kind of mood I am in they are there for me. And it is through them that I am able to truly appreciate life in the moment.
Dogs are not the smartest of creatures. Yes, they have some intelligence, but I don't think they don't have memories like you and I. They know how to live for the moment. All they ask is that you scratch their bellies or throw a ball for them. Nothing more.....food, water, attention and love. That's all. So today I decided to be like Buddy and Mr. C- just live in the moment. I made Patrick get out of bed and dressed. He was very tired, but he had told me he wanted to eat at Topwater Grille one more time before he went into the hospital. I loaded up the car with our camp chairs. We ate a wonderful lunch and then we just parked and watched the gulls and pelicans, boats, and fisherman come and go. We just soaked in the sun and truly enjoyed the moment. Quietly we sat with the wind on our faces and the sun shining down drinking in life. For a while nothing else mattered, we were just a normal 50 something couple enjoying the day. It was fabulous. And to think, I had Buddy and Mr. C with their craziness and unbridled love to thank for this moment. Thanks guys.....We can learn a lot from our 4 legged friends if we would just take the time to observe and listen..
Saturday, March 5, 2011
A Waiting Game
It is Saturday, March 5th and true to the the saying March is coming in like a lion. It is a dreary day. The sky is gray and there is a chill in the air. However, this is really my favorite type of Saturday. I don't have to go to work and I can hang out in my jammies all day long if I so choose. Well, maybe not all day. I do have to go pick up my dry cleaning which I was smart enough to take yesterday and get a couple of prescriptions refilled to fight the onslaught of allergy season. But, other than that I can just hang out in my jammies. It gives me a lot of time to think.
One of my favorite relatives is my Cousin Jay's wife Laura. She call it like she sees it. Recently she asked how I was handling the "being strong" routine. And, I have to admit that I giggled. Boy did she have my number. Yes, it is hard and it is a routine. You can't lose hope, but yet as a human you begin to wonder. I know it is in God's hands, but I have no idea what he has in store for me- for Patrick-for us. And, I think in situations like this, God give us time to think- to wrap our minds around our situation. Lately, I have had a lot of time to do this. Partick has been very tired lately and has spent a great deal of time in bed. I know you are thinking, "Why don't you just go back there and stay with him?" Well, remember that I have four dogs and it is not fair to them to keep them kenneled 24-7 so I have to spend time in the other part of the house with them. They are not outside dogs and the old one has to be supervised while she is inside. So, this gives me a lot of thinking time. Also, it gives me a lot of time to adjust to being alone. Maybe this is the lesson God has for me. I have to be comfortable in my own place and in my own thoughts. Do not get me wrong, I have hope that things will be okay and my husband will be well again. But, even then one has to be happy with themselves.
I have never particularly liked being alone. This stems from my being an only child. I was alone alot. There were no children my age in the neighborhood until we moved when I was 6. So, I was pretty much on my own. Well, not in my mind. There were many imaginary friends. My parents were big fans of westerns especially the TV show Bonanza so Little Joe Cartwright was my best friend. It struck me strange the other day how things are coming full circle. Hopefully, this will be temporary like it was when I was a child, but I have no guarantees. I was able to be very content back then. So what has changed. Maybe I lost touch with the child within. The one who is able to entertain herself through imagination has been put away on a shelf somewhere and I have to find her again. I think that this is where this blog thing comes into play. Writing for me is not just of getting rid of emotional baggage it is a way to get in touch with my inner child again. I know that this [blog] is putting it out there for everyone to see and I could do this in a notebook I keep under my bed. But, for me it helps me be honest with myself. And, just maybe someone else is feeling this same way and it will help them know that what they are feeling is normal. So, back to Laura's comment on the strong routine. Yes, it a way it is a routine. You have to keep a stiff upper lip. You are not allowed to feel sorry for yourself. My husband is gravely ill. My needs have to take a back seat. After all what kind of spouse would pull the poor pitiful me trip under these circumstances. But, this is harder than you will ever know. And, the only way you can even halfway understand is to go through it yourself. Last month I got to spend Valentine's in the hospital with my husband and in March it looks like I will get to spend my birthday with him there again. Yes, it is a real bummer. I would love to go to Concan for spring break and hang out there for my birthday. But, that is not going to be possible. I will have to make the best of where I am going to be. I believe that is the lesson God is trying to teach me. Be happy where you are and enjoy the moment.
One of my favorite relatives is my Cousin Jay's wife Laura. She call it like she sees it. Recently she asked how I was handling the "being strong" routine. And, I have to admit that I giggled. Boy did she have my number. Yes, it is hard and it is a routine. You can't lose hope, but yet as a human you begin to wonder. I know it is in God's hands, but I have no idea what he has in store for me- for Patrick-for us. And, I think in situations like this, God give us time to think- to wrap our minds around our situation. Lately, I have had a lot of time to do this. Partick has been very tired lately and has spent a great deal of time in bed. I know you are thinking, "Why don't you just go back there and stay with him?" Well, remember that I have four dogs and it is not fair to them to keep them kenneled 24-7 so I have to spend time in the other part of the house with them. They are not outside dogs and the old one has to be supervised while she is inside. So, this gives me a lot of thinking time. Also, it gives me a lot of time to adjust to being alone. Maybe this is the lesson God has for me. I have to be comfortable in my own place and in my own thoughts. Do not get me wrong, I have hope that things will be okay and my husband will be well again. But, even then one has to be happy with themselves.
I have never particularly liked being alone. This stems from my being an only child. I was alone alot. There were no children my age in the neighborhood until we moved when I was 6. So, I was pretty much on my own. Well, not in my mind. There were many imaginary friends. My parents were big fans of westerns especially the TV show Bonanza so Little Joe Cartwright was my best friend. It struck me strange the other day how things are coming full circle. Hopefully, this will be temporary like it was when I was a child, but I have no guarantees. I was able to be very content back then. So what has changed. Maybe I lost touch with the child within. The one who is able to entertain herself through imagination has been put away on a shelf somewhere and I have to find her again. I think that this is where this blog thing comes into play. Writing for me is not just of getting rid of emotional baggage it is a way to get in touch with my inner child again. I know that this [blog] is putting it out there for everyone to see and I could do this in a notebook I keep under my bed. But, for me it helps me be honest with myself. And, just maybe someone else is feeling this same way and it will help them know that what they are feeling is normal. So, back to Laura's comment on the strong routine. Yes, it a way it is a routine. You have to keep a stiff upper lip. You are not allowed to feel sorry for yourself. My husband is gravely ill. My needs have to take a back seat. After all what kind of spouse would pull the poor pitiful me trip under these circumstances. But, this is harder than you will ever know. And, the only way you can even halfway understand is to go through it yourself. Last month I got to spend Valentine's in the hospital with my husband and in March it looks like I will get to spend my birthday with him there again. Yes, it is a real bummer. I would love to go to Concan for spring break and hang out there for my birthday. But, that is not going to be possible. I will have to make the best of where I am going to be. I believe that is the lesson God is trying to teach me. Be happy where you are and enjoy the moment.
Amazing Things Can Happen
This post was written on February prior to my husband's release from the hospital. I apologize to my readers for its late coming
Hello World! I am coming to you from the 9th floor of M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. Today I am so filled with joy. My husband is coming home- even if only for a few days he is coming home. I have begun a habit of stopping by the chapel each day and spending a few moments in silent prayer. Before I went in my daughter called me. She has had a bad couple of days. Each time I offer God my praise and thanksgiving for all the blessings he has bestowed on my family. Yes, my husband has cancer. And, things may look bleak, but I am so thankful for all the wonderful things I have in my life. And I want to embrace every wonderful thing God has in store for me. When I am through with my prayer of thanksgiving, I pick up a Bible an thumb through it until I feel the urge to stop. I then read the passage. Today's I turned to the passage where Jesus comes upon a funeral brings a woman's only son back to life. I was hopeful.
Hello World! I am coming to you from the 9th floor of M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. Today I am so filled with joy. My husband is coming home- even if only for a few days he is coming home. I have begun a habit of stopping by the chapel each day and spending a few moments in silent prayer. Before I went in my daughter called me. She has had a bad couple of days. Each time I offer God my praise and thanksgiving for all the blessings he has bestowed on my family. Yes, my husband has cancer. And, things may look bleak, but I am so thankful for all the wonderful things I have in my life. And I want to embrace every wonderful thing God has in store for me. When I am through with my prayer of thanksgiving, I pick up a Bible an thumb through it until I feel the urge to stop. I then read the passage. Today's I turned to the passage where Jesus comes upon a funeral brings a woman's only son back to life. I was hopeful.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Realizing our Potential
I have decided to use the travel time between the house/school and the hospital as a time for reflection and personal growth. A very altruistic idea- I know. Currently, I am listening to Joel Osteen's Becoming a Better You. And considering the current position of my life, it has some very timely lessons. Osteen states that God has given each one of us the power through the DNA of our ancestors to become champions. When we say that we can't we are limiting that power. Each day we need to open ourselves up to the amazing possibilities that God has set before us. But, we as people have to do our part. Accepting mediocrity in our lives will not get us where we are supposed to go. By maintaining a positive attitude and opening ourselves up to the possibilities we can allow change to take place. As a counselor, I have often heard I can't change this, my mom was like this and her mom before her, so I am going to be the same way. No, you don't have to accept this. Yes, you may have your parent's DNA running through your veins, but you also have that of Daniel (spent the night with Lions and was unscathed) and Sampson and David. Settling for the status quo is not doing ourselves justice.
As a young girl, my mother told me I needed to be a secretary. My guidance counselor in high school told me that the best I could hope for was to be a sales clerk at JC Penny or Sears. But, I set a higher standard for myself. It was through sheer determination I am where I am today. Each day I thank God for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me. Many people say, "Tanyia, how can you be so up beat. Your husband it so ill. He is in and out of the hospital and, yet, for the most part you carry on and seem very upbeat." Well, I am. I have hope and I meet each day with knowledge that today is going to offer me unknown challenges yet at the same time unknown rewards.
I have learned that laughter and humor are two medicines that no doctor can prescribe. And, these are the most important antibiotics around. On the days when I choose, yes choose, to fall into the the Whoa is me syndrome, negative things are amplified. Now, don't get me wrong, negative things happen every day, but it is how we view them that changes our mood and being. My mother used to call this making lemonade from lemons. If we expect good things, they will happen. But it is how you view them. For as long as my husband has been ill, we have had set back after set back. The cancer has spread from his abdomen throughout his body. But, we are choosing to hope for the best. Most days he is in good spirits and when he is not our immediate family are the only ones who see this side. It is our job to point out that we are working on maintaining positive attitudes. We have faith and know that the power of our bloodline enables us to fight on. And, therefore, we are choosing to continue to praise and thank God for our many many blessings and we have faith that the best is yet to come. Because when he is with us nothing can be against us.
As a young girl, my mother told me I needed to be a secretary. My guidance counselor in high school told me that the best I could hope for was to be a sales clerk at JC Penny or Sears. But, I set a higher standard for myself. It was through sheer determination I am where I am today. Each day I thank God for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me. Many people say, "Tanyia, how can you be so up beat. Your husband it so ill. He is in and out of the hospital and, yet, for the most part you carry on and seem very upbeat." Well, I am. I have hope and I meet each day with knowledge that today is going to offer me unknown challenges yet at the same time unknown rewards.
I have learned that laughter and humor are two medicines that no doctor can prescribe. And, these are the most important antibiotics around. On the days when I choose, yes choose, to fall into the the Whoa is me syndrome, negative things are amplified. Now, don't get me wrong, negative things happen every day, but it is how we view them that changes our mood and being. My mother used to call this making lemonade from lemons. If we expect good things, they will happen. But it is how you view them. For as long as my husband has been ill, we have had set back after set back. The cancer has spread from his abdomen throughout his body. But, we are choosing to hope for the best. Most days he is in good spirits and when he is not our immediate family are the only ones who see this side. It is our job to point out that we are working on maintaining positive attitudes. We have faith and know that the power of our bloodline enables us to fight on. And, therefore, we are choosing to continue to praise and thank God for our many many blessings and we have faith that the best is yet to come. Because when he is with us nothing can be against us.
Short and to the Point
My daughter is in from Austin. I always enjoy her visits. She is one of the most upbeat people I know and she can always make me laugh. We started our day early taking her car to get the oil changed and going to Walmart. Since my husband has been ill, I have begun to take an impish delight in getting him cutsey PJ's. It started off that I was in a pinch and that was all I could find was Snoopy jammies that said Ladies Man on them. And, it has gone from there. Everytime I find a new design, I buy it. Today he is sporting Ninja Turtle jammies. They are silly but I Iove to see him smile. This is for Ashley. She told me my posts were to long.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
