I have decided to use the travel time between the house/school and the hospital as a time for reflection and personal growth. A very altruistic idea- I know. Currently, I am listening to Joel Osteen's Becoming a Better You. And considering the current position of my life, it has some very timely lessons. Osteen states that God has given each one of us the power through the DNA of our ancestors to become champions. When we say that we can't we are limiting that power. Each day we need to open ourselves up to the amazing possibilities that God has set before us. But, we as people have to do our part. Accepting mediocrity in our lives will not get us where we are supposed to go. By maintaining a positive attitude and opening ourselves up to the possibilities we can allow change to take place. As a counselor, I have often heard I can't change this, my mom was like this and her mom before her, so I am going to be the same way. No, you don't have to accept this. Yes, you may have your parent's DNA running through your veins, but you also have that of Daniel (spent the night with Lions and was unscathed) and Sampson and David. Settling for the status quo is not doing ourselves justice.
As a young girl, my mother told me I needed to be a secretary. My guidance counselor in high school told me that the best I could hope for was to be a sales clerk at JC Penny or Sears. But, I set a higher standard for myself. It was through sheer determination I am where I am today. Each day I thank God for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me. Many people say, "Tanyia, how can you be so up beat. Your husband it so ill. He is in and out of the hospital and, yet, for the most part you carry on and seem very upbeat." Well, I am. I have hope and I meet each day with knowledge that today is going to offer me unknown challenges yet at the same time unknown rewards.
I have learned that laughter and humor are two medicines that no doctor can prescribe. And, these are the most important antibiotics around. On the days when I choose, yes choose, to fall into the the Whoa is me syndrome, negative things are amplified. Now, don't get me wrong, negative things happen every day, but it is how we view them that changes our mood and being. My mother used to call this making lemonade from lemons. If we expect good things, they will happen. But it is how you view them. For as long as my husband has been ill, we have had set back after set back. The cancer has spread from his abdomen throughout his body. But, we are choosing to hope for the best. Most days he is in good spirits and when he is not our immediate family are the only ones who see this side. It is our job to point out that we are working on maintaining positive attitudes. We have faith and know that the power of our bloodline enables us to fight on. And, therefore, we are choosing to continue to praise and thank God for our many many blessings and we have faith that the best is yet to come. Because when he is with us nothing can be against us.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Short and to the Point
My daughter is in from Austin. I always enjoy her visits. She is one of the most upbeat people I know and she can always make me laugh. We started our day early taking her car to get the oil changed and going to Walmart. Since my husband has been ill, I have begun to take an impish delight in getting him cutsey PJ's. It started off that I was in a pinch and that was all I could find was Snoopy jammies that said Ladies Man on them. And, it has gone from there. Everytime I find a new design, I buy it. Today he is sporting Ninja Turtle jammies. They are silly but I Iove to see him smile. This is for Ashley. She told me my posts were to long.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Moments That Last
The lights are low, the music plays softly in the background. Room service arrives with a beautiful tray of crab cakes, a wonderful salad, and the most sinful chocolate cake imaginable. Lovingly the man looks into the woman's eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to get you any flowers."
"That's okay. Just being here with you is enough for me," she quietlyy replies although secretly she would have loved some beautiful flowers. Being together for right now is enough. They sit quietly listening to the music and drinking in each other's company.
Sounds like a page from a romance novel, doesn't it. Yet, this scene was being played out in many rooms last night in MD Anderson hospital. The hospital provided a dinner for Valentine's Day which was not only tasty, but artful. You could almost forget you were in a hospital listening to the inspirational channel on the TV. As I drove home, I tried to remember all the Valentine's we had spent together. There have been 34 in all. And, sad to say I can't recall where we went to dinner, if there were chocolates or flowers. But, I do remember we spent them together. Sometimes kids were under foot and sometimes a child would snuggle between us in bed. But, we were always together. In fact, that is one day we never missed being together. No matter what state our marriage was in we were together.
Valentine's Day has become so commercial. Every jewelry store has a commercial or come on of some sort. Restaurant's have special and wonderful menues. And, we stand in line for hours to provide our loved one with the perfect meal or the perfect gift to make that one day so special. To let the other person know how truly loved they are, we spend countless dollars and hours to prove our love. When, in fact, gifts per se don't really show love at all. They are material things which can be bought and sold at will. Shouldn't we look for other ways to show our feelings and be doing this on a daily basis?
My husband apologizzed several times for ruining my day. There were tears in his eyes when I jokingly said, "Well we didn't have any big plans now did we?"
His reply was, "I was going to stop by the tent at Kroger on the way home to get you some flowers."
"You can buy me flowers some other day. We don't need a special day for flowers." Then I realized that the flowers I remembered the most were those he would bring home on Friday evening just to say I know it's been a hard week. And, the ones I put in the bedroom to suprise him for a date night which I might add was not even near Valentine's Day. I remember how wonderful they smelled to this day. And, I remembeer his face when he told me that no one had ever given him flowers before. That's when I realized that this was the way it was supposed to be. We need to make sure that the special person in our life knows it. Life is not forever, and we never know how many Valentine's Days or birthdays or anniversaries there will be. Grab each day. Savor it for all it is worth. Never let a day go by when your spouse, life partner, children or friends don't know how special they are to you. Let them know that your life would be so different without them in it. Hug them, kiss them, hold them. Don't be afraid to take someone by the hand and say, "I am so glad you are in my life. You make every day better just by being here. You matter to me." These are the moments that last eternity.
"That's okay. Just being here with you is enough for me," she quietlyy replies although secretly she would have loved some beautiful flowers. Being together for right now is enough. They sit quietly listening to the music and drinking in each other's company.
Sounds like a page from a romance novel, doesn't it. Yet, this scene was being played out in many rooms last night in MD Anderson hospital. The hospital provided a dinner for Valentine's Day which was not only tasty, but artful. You could almost forget you were in a hospital listening to the inspirational channel on the TV. As I drove home, I tried to remember all the Valentine's we had spent together. There have been 34 in all. And, sad to say I can't recall where we went to dinner, if there were chocolates or flowers. But, I do remember we spent them together. Sometimes kids were under foot and sometimes a child would snuggle between us in bed. But, we were always together. In fact, that is one day we never missed being together. No matter what state our marriage was in we were together.
Valentine's Day has become so commercial. Every jewelry store has a commercial or come on of some sort. Restaurant's have special and wonderful menues. And, we stand in line for hours to provide our loved one with the perfect meal or the perfect gift to make that one day so special. To let the other person know how truly loved they are, we spend countless dollars and hours to prove our love. When, in fact, gifts per se don't really show love at all. They are material things which can be bought and sold at will. Shouldn't we look for other ways to show our feelings and be doing this on a daily basis?
My husband apologizzed several times for ruining my day. There were tears in his eyes when I jokingly said, "Well we didn't have any big plans now did we?"
His reply was, "I was going to stop by the tent at Kroger on the way home to get you some flowers."
"You can buy me flowers some other day. We don't need a special day for flowers." Then I realized that the flowers I remembered the most were those he would bring home on Friday evening just to say I know it's been a hard week. And, the ones I put in the bedroom to suprise him for a date night which I might add was not even near Valentine's Day. I remember how wonderful they smelled to this day. And, I remembeer his face when he told me that no one had ever given him flowers before. That's when I realized that this was the way it was supposed to be. We need to make sure that the special person in our life knows it. Life is not forever, and we never know how many Valentine's Days or birthdays or anniversaries there will be. Grab each day. Savor it for all it is worth. Never let a day go by when your spouse, life partner, children or friends don't know how special they are to you. Let them know that your life would be so different without them in it. Hug them, kiss them, hold them. Don't be afraid to take someone by the hand and say, "I am so glad you are in my life. You make every day better just by being here. You matter to me." These are the moments that last eternity.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
One Foot in Front of the Other
I saw my neighbor the other morning as I was putting the garbage out. He inquired how I was doing and I smiled and told him all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and go on. You know this is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with as an adult. I have had numerous times when I thought, I just can't believe this is happening to me. But, this actually takes the cake. I have spent the better part of my weekend in bed. Not because I didn't feel well or was tired, but because I felt that I needed to stay close to my husband. As I watch him sleeping in can see the bones of his arms. He has lost so much weight since all of this began. I am so worried I don't know what to do. Tonight he was on his way back from eating dinner, he fell. His blood pressure has been very low. His nose is bleeding a sign of low platelets. He has no energy and is so weak. Tonight he told me he was scared. "Me too," was all I could say. Scared doesn't even begin to tell how I feel. I feel helpless and alone. I know that there are many people who care about me, but the one person who has been a constant in my life is so sick and there is nothing I can do to make it better. Nothing.
Cancer is a thief that comes in and steals everything from you. You hopes, dreams, and even you life. I know my other blogs have been lengthy but this is going to be short. For those of you who read this know that you can never love someone enough. Take time to let them know how you feel. Don't wait for times like this. Make each day count. Forget about all the little stuff and focus on the one constant your feelings for your family and friends. Let them know just how important they are to you each and every day. This is the best way to put one foot in front of the other and it is they way I believe we are supposed to live. It's never too late. Love one another like there is no tomorrow.
Cancer is a thief that comes in and steals everything from you. You hopes, dreams, and even you life. I know my other blogs have been lengthy but this is going to be short. For those of you who read this know that you can never love someone enough. Take time to let them know how you feel. Don't wait for times like this. Make each day count. Forget about all the little stuff and focus on the one constant your feelings for your family and friends. Let them know just how important they are to you each and every day. This is the best way to put one foot in front of the other and it is they way I believe we are supposed to live. It's never too late. Love one another like there is no tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Tanyia's Top Ten Cancer Etiquette Rules
The other night on the way home, I ran in the local drug store. The girl who checked me out commented that I looked very tired and I must have been at one heck of a Super Bowl Party. I explained that I had been at the hospital with my husband. Being that she is a human and humans are naturally inquisitive, she asked what was wrong with him. I didn't feel like getting into this discussion I just wanted my highlighter pens so I could take them to work. "He, has cancer." I
"I hope, it's not bad," she replied.
"Well, I don't think that there is a cancer that is not bad," I explained to her.
"Well, you have to trust in the Lord and know that you will see him one day in heaven."
I could actually hear the breaks in my head screech and my head jerk up. There were a million smart remarks that were just wanting to jump off my tongue, but I picked up my sack, thanked her and went to the car with her yelling behind me. I didn't even really hear what she said after that. That one remark sat in my head. So, tonight I figured I would put a bit of humor in the blog. Proverbs 17:22 states, a cheerful heart is good medicine." It is for this reason I have decided to write some brief instructions on how to handle a situation where a friend, co-worker, family member or even a stranger tells you that someone they know has been touched by cancer. This is a tongue in cheek synopsis. I have used not only my personal experience but that of spouses and family members who have befriended me along this journey. This is my, I repeat, my Top 10 List .
10. Don't ask them what you can do for them. This is an innocent enough remark, however, let's be realistic, they have so much running through their minds, they don't even know what they want or need, It is a moment to moment thing. And you hear that from everyone. It is kind of like when you hear people say, Have a nice day." Do they really care or is it just the expected remark to make? If you really want to help with something, be like Nike......Just Do It. Some of the things I appreciated the most were the unexpected things people did for me. Several people where I work, took turns providing meals when my husband was first diagnosed. It was nice to just pop something in the microwave and eat when I got home from the hospital.
9. If you feel the need to fix the family a meal, don't go to the extreme. Stick to standard proteins, beef, chicken, pork etc. Rabbit and other wild game unless you really know the person is probably going to wind up in the trash. My friends were awesome. Simple casseroles, but I talked to one lady at the hospital who actually had a friend bring her "wild stew." She stated, "It looked good. There were potatoes, carrots, peas, corn, celery and meat. But, the meat didn't look like anything I had ever seen before. Then the girl told me her husband had been squirrel hunting. All, I could say was, 'Thank you.'" Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing personally against squirrel. I mean, I am from Louisiana. Shreveport to be exact-home to such notables as Vex Con Exterminating's own Billy the Exterminator. Over the course of my life I have eaten things that have come out of the mud and swamp. I may really like a good fried alligator steak with cream gravy, but I don't think I would fix it for one of my co-workers.
8. Don't ask a million questions, especially if the person has recently learned the diagnosis. Right then they have so many questions spinning around in their head, they don't need anymore. Furthermore, they don't know the answers. My husband has an uncle like this. When he starts, I begin to hear the same sound Charlie Brown hears when the teacher speaks.
7. Give them space-physically. It is surprising how many people really don't want you to hug them. And, if they do, they want a real hug.....not one of those pity hugs. Yes, you can tell the difference. One of the kindest things anyone has done was something my principal, Stephanie, did. I was in her office having a bad day and I began to cry. She came out from behind her desk and just sat by me. No hugs, no touchy feely stuff. Just the physical closeness told me she understood.
6. Don't tell horror stories that you have heard. Generally this comes from acquaintances, not actual friends. I didn't want to hear what chemotherapy did to Great Aunt Sally. Or how good my husband would look without hair. This disease is scary enough without helping us set up outside expectations. In truth, chemo therapy is different for each patient. There are many different drugs that may or may not have side effects. So far, my husband does look handsome bald, check out our son's wedding photo's and you will see. But, he has not been nauseated or developed blisters in his mouth. He does have nose bleeds from low platelets and is tired from the anemia. Yes, he feels terrible, but as he puts it chemo is not unbearable.
5. Don't tell them you know how they feel. There is no way you know how we feel. Our world's are being turned upside down. It is like living in a snow globe. You never know where it will fall. And, when it does settle, someone picks it up and shakes it again. There are good days and there are bad. You just have to rock along with us. If you feel like saying something, just say something like "Wow, that seems over whelming." "That sounds tough." These are in the counseling biz what we call open-ended questions. If we feel comfortable enough you have provided us a safe place to jump off. The, "I know how you feel" remark tells us, since you know how we feel, then you don't need anymore information.
4. Don't ask them if the loved one has found God. My daughter had to field this question. She told me she was caught very off guard. "Well, yes, my father has a close relationship with our Lord." I thought that was a great answer. Now, don't get me wrong, I am very religious and, in fact, I want to become a lay chaplain when I retire as a counselor. I am a devout Anglican, Episcopalian. I believe in the power of prayer, miracles and the gifts of the Spirit. I have a strong faith in my God as does my husband. And, yes, I believe that when you are facing grave odds God is the go to guy. And, I believe that there is a right and a wrong way to answer this. A better choice of word might be does your father have a support system? Maybe a support group or church? I am a believer in witnessing for God, but be careful where you choose to jump and choose your words wisely.
3. Don't assume the person is dying. There are numerous treatments and medical miracles which happen everyday. My husband has experienced two of these. First when his kidney's failed and they brought them back with dialysis. Generally, there is kidney damage. There was none. The second when his spleen exploded and he coded for three minutes. Doctor's told us for not only for the time he spent before he alerted me to his distress and the amount of time he was gone there should be some physical damage such as heart, kidney or brain damage. Once again none.....The joke my husband tells the doctor's is that my wife might argue the brain damage issue. Hope is what all families reach for in their time of need. Furthermore, we all need hope. When we lose hope, we have nothing.
2. Remember that life goes on during treatment, but give them a break. When my husband was first diagnosed, I was forced to realize exactly what he did around the house. Little things I had taken for granted were now my job. It took me a while before I found my groove. One of the cruelest things that happened to me occurred shortly after my husband was diagnosed. We were going to doctor appointments, I was trying to juggle things. In the meeting, on of my co-workers stated in front of all of our big bosses that she knew I was behind. Now, let me qualify behind. I usually am way ahead, so behind is not an issue. I was a couple of days behind, so I guess the vast majority felt I was way behind. This so infuriated me that I worked day and night to get ahead. That is where I stay. I try to make sure that I stay on top of everything, so when I have to take time off it can go unnoticed. However, in the beginning I was still having to deal with all the questions in my head and juggle my job and increased chores at home. I had not found my groove. This takes time. Once you figure out how to manage your life, it becomes easier. So, give us a break, we have a lot going on in our lives. And, sometimes your priorities are not ours. But, we can still get our job done.
1. Make them laugh. Laughing is the most important thing we can do. It has been proven that laughter releases endorphins and leads to overall well-being. Funny e-mails, good jokes, a quick wit are some of the best surprises. We need a daily dose of this. Several of my friends from out of town e=mail me regularly. I always know that these will be great and I anxiously look forward to those. On the other hand, I have some friends who feel the need to send those chain e-mails. You know the ones I am talking about. If you don't send this bad things will happen. I am compelled to open these as I feel that if I don't I am tempting fate. And, let's face it I don't need any more bad things happening.
These are my ten. Others have their own. But the bottom line here is reach out to us sincerely, give us time to find our way. Help light our path. Be what a true friend really is. Believe me it doesn't go unnoticed. I was asked the other day by another counselor, "How do you feel? Do you have a support system?" At the time I couldn't answer her. But I have an answer for her now. I feel incredibly blessed to have the friends who sourround me with love and faith no matter how near or far each day. I am indeed blessed.
"I hope, it's not bad," she replied.
"Well, I don't think that there is a cancer that is not bad," I explained to her.
"Well, you have to trust in the Lord and know that you will see him one day in heaven."
I could actually hear the breaks in my head screech and my head jerk up. There were a million smart remarks that were just wanting to jump off my tongue, but I picked up my sack, thanked her and went to the car with her yelling behind me. I didn't even really hear what she said after that. That one remark sat in my head. So, tonight I figured I would put a bit of humor in the blog. Proverbs 17:22 states, a cheerful heart is good medicine." It is for this reason I have decided to write some brief instructions on how to handle a situation where a friend, co-worker, family member or even a stranger tells you that someone they know has been touched by cancer. This is a tongue in cheek synopsis. I have used not only my personal experience but that of spouses and family members who have befriended me along this journey. This is my, I repeat, my Top 10 List .
10. Don't ask them what you can do for them. This is an innocent enough remark, however, let's be realistic, they have so much running through their minds, they don't even know what they want or need, It is a moment to moment thing. And you hear that from everyone. It is kind of like when you hear people say, Have a nice day." Do they really care or is it just the expected remark to make? If you really want to help with something, be like Nike......Just Do It. Some of the things I appreciated the most were the unexpected things people did for me. Several people where I work, took turns providing meals when my husband was first diagnosed. It was nice to just pop something in the microwave and eat when I got home from the hospital.
9. If you feel the need to fix the family a meal, don't go to the extreme. Stick to standard proteins, beef, chicken, pork etc. Rabbit and other wild game unless you really know the person is probably going to wind up in the trash. My friends were awesome. Simple casseroles, but I talked to one lady at the hospital who actually had a friend bring her "wild stew." She stated, "It looked good. There were potatoes, carrots, peas, corn, celery and meat. But, the meat didn't look like anything I had ever seen before. Then the girl told me her husband had been squirrel hunting. All, I could say was, 'Thank you.'" Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing personally against squirrel. I mean, I am from Louisiana. Shreveport to be exact-home to such notables as Vex Con Exterminating's own Billy the Exterminator. Over the course of my life I have eaten things that have come out of the mud and swamp. I may really like a good fried alligator steak with cream gravy, but I don't think I would fix it for one of my co-workers.
8. Don't ask a million questions, especially if the person has recently learned the diagnosis. Right then they have so many questions spinning around in their head, they don't need anymore. Furthermore, they don't know the answers. My husband has an uncle like this. When he starts, I begin to hear the same sound Charlie Brown hears when the teacher speaks.
7. Give them space-physically. It is surprising how many people really don't want you to hug them. And, if they do, they want a real hug.....not one of those pity hugs. Yes, you can tell the difference. One of the kindest things anyone has done was something my principal, Stephanie, did. I was in her office having a bad day and I began to cry. She came out from behind her desk and just sat by me. No hugs, no touchy feely stuff. Just the physical closeness told me she understood.
6. Don't tell horror stories that you have heard. Generally this comes from acquaintances, not actual friends. I didn't want to hear what chemotherapy did to Great Aunt Sally. Or how good my husband would look without hair. This disease is scary enough without helping us set up outside expectations. In truth, chemo therapy is different for each patient. There are many different drugs that may or may not have side effects. So far, my husband does look handsome bald, check out our son's wedding photo's and you will see. But, he has not been nauseated or developed blisters in his mouth. He does have nose bleeds from low platelets and is tired from the anemia. Yes, he feels terrible, but as he puts it chemo is not unbearable.
5. Don't tell them you know how they feel. There is no way you know how we feel. Our world's are being turned upside down. It is like living in a snow globe. You never know where it will fall. And, when it does settle, someone picks it up and shakes it again. There are good days and there are bad. You just have to rock along with us. If you feel like saying something, just say something like "Wow, that seems over whelming." "That sounds tough." These are in the counseling biz what we call open-ended questions. If we feel comfortable enough you have provided us a safe place to jump off. The, "I know how you feel" remark tells us, since you know how we feel, then you don't need anymore information.
4. Don't ask them if the loved one has found God. My daughter had to field this question. She told me she was caught very off guard. "Well, yes, my father has a close relationship with our Lord." I thought that was a great answer. Now, don't get me wrong, I am very religious and, in fact, I want to become a lay chaplain when I retire as a counselor. I am a devout Anglican, Episcopalian. I believe in the power of prayer, miracles and the gifts of the Spirit. I have a strong faith in my God as does my husband. And, yes, I believe that when you are facing grave odds God is the go to guy. And, I believe that there is a right and a wrong way to answer this. A better choice of word might be does your father have a support system? Maybe a support group or church? I am a believer in witnessing for God, but be careful where you choose to jump and choose your words wisely.
3. Don't assume the person is dying. There are numerous treatments and medical miracles which happen everyday. My husband has experienced two of these. First when his kidney's failed and they brought them back with dialysis. Generally, there is kidney damage. There was none. The second when his spleen exploded and he coded for three minutes. Doctor's told us for not only for the time he spent before he alerted me to his distress and the amount of time he was gone there should be some physical damage such as heart, kidney or brain damage. Once again none.....The joke my husband tells the doctor's is that my wife might argue the brain damage issue. Hope is what all families reach for in their time of need. Furthermore, we all need hope. When we lose hope, we have nothing.
2. Remember that life goes on during treatment, but give them a break. When my husband was first diagnosed, I was forced to realize exactly what he did around the house. Little things I had taken for granted were now my job. It took me a while before I found my groove. One of the cruelest things that happened to me occurred shortly after my husband was diagnosed. We were going to doctor appointments, I was trying to juggle things. In the meeting, on of my co-workers stated in front of all of our big bosses that she knew I was behind. Now, let me qualify behind. I usually am way ahead, so behind is not an issue. I was a couple of days behind, so I guess the vast majority felt I was way behind. This so infuriated me that I worked day and night to get ahead. That is where I stay. I try to make sure that I stay on top of everything, so when I have to take time off it can go unnoticed. However, in the beginning I was still having to deal with all the questions in my head and juggle my job and increased chores at home. I had not found my groove. This takes time. Once you figure out how to manage your life, it becomes easier. So, give us a break, we have a lot going on in our lives. And, sometimes your priorities are not ours. But, we can still get our job done.
1. Make them laugh. Laughing is the most important thing we can do. It has been proven that laughter releases endorphins and leads to overall well-being. Funny e-mails, good jokes, a quick wit are some of the best surprises. We need a daily dose of this. Several of my friends from out of town e=mail me regularly. I always know that these will be great and I anxiously look forward to those. On the other hand, I have some friends who feel the need to send those chain e-mails. You know the ones I am talking about. If you don't send this bad things will happen. I am compelled to open these as I feel that if I don't I am tempting fate. And, let's face it I don't need any more bad things happening.
These are my ten. Others have their own. But the bottom line here is reach out to us sincerely, give us time to find our way. Help light our path. Be what a true friend really is. Believe me it doesn't go unnoticed. I was asked the other day by another counselor, "How do you feel? Do you have a support system?" At the time I couldn't answer her. But I have an answer for her now. I feel incredibly blessed to have the friends who sourround me with love and faith no matter how near or far each day. I am indeed blessed.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Super Bowl Super Day
Besides our son's wedding in December, I think my husband has stayed alive if for nothing else than to watch our beloved Packer's play in the Super Bowl. Don't ask why (that is a whole other story) he is a die hard Cheese Head. Yes, we own two. I have been brought into the cult as well. Green Bay is the only team in the NFL that is owned by the town. There is a 25-30 year wait for season tickets. They have not cheerleaders. They are strictly in it for the love of the game. Patrick has been to Lambeau Field to see a game and he says it was amazing. He has already gotten a balloon and coozie from a friend with the Packers' emblem on it. Thanks Rudy. And we are anxiously awaiting kick off.
Patrick is a lot like the Packers. They have both had their bats with hard luck, made mistakes and angered fans. But, the fans keep coming back each year. That is why today I have decided to take this opportunity to tell you a bit more about the struggle we have faced. In my first blog, I told you about the kidney failure and the 3 minutes of code blue. But what I didn't tell you was how this struggle has reunited our family. Two years earlier, my husband and I had faced a monster which had divided us. We, rather I, had had enough and wanted out after 28 years of marriage. Growing up on East Slattery in Shreveport, Louisiana I had no idea I was poor until I got older. Sr. Margaret Rose told me I would be nothing more than a sales clerk at J.C,. Penny and there was no reason for me to go to college. But, I worked hard as did Patrick and we became blessed. Financially, we looked great on paper, but our family was a shamble. It is true that money doesn't buy happiness. We grasped at straws to try to put it back together, but it meant hitting rock bottom before we could claw our way out of a huge hole. After a year and a half of intensive counseling, both couples and individual, we were on the right track again. And, this hits. We came together as a family. A miracle...... our children were so angry with their father. I can't say I blame them. I was too. Some may think well maybe God is punishing him for what he did. I, however, do not feel that God, mine, yours or anyone's would bring this upon someone for retribution. This last Christmas, our daughter told Patrick that it was amazing how something so good could come out of something so awful. But, we were happy. Laughter filled the house. Gifts didn't matter, family for the first time was the most important thing. It was wonderful to see everyone come together. I guess we are like the Packers we took some hard hits and came back. Like a football team, it took lots of hard work and retraining. Our pre season training lasted longer but like a team we had to adjust and reinvent plays that would work.
Today the Packers will face the Steelers. Now, I have been in Texas long enough to remember the Love Ya Blue days with the Houston Oilers now the Tennessee Titans when the Steelers were our arch rivals. They were thought of as poor sports who did not play fair. And, I guess some of that still remains in my blood. So, even if I were not a Packer Backer, I would be cheering Green Bay onto victory. But, in football, like life there are no guarantees. Someone is bound to fumble or miss a catch, the quarterback may be caught off guard. But the game [life] will go on.. The players will adjust and the game will continue. I have to admit today my money is on both the Packers and Patrick. We've taken some licks but are still looking for victory.
Go Green Bay beat Pittsburgh........Go Patrick beat Cancer.
Patrick is a lot like the Packers. They have both had their bats with hard luck, made mistakes and angered fans. But, the fans keep coming back each year. That is why today I have decided to take this opportunity to tell you a bit more about the struggle we have faced. In my first blog, I told you about the kidney failure and the 3 minutes of code blue. But what I didn't tell you was how this struggle has reunited our family. Two years earlier, my husband and I had faced a monster which had divided us. We, rather I, had had enough and wanted out after 28 years of marriage. Growing up on East Slattery in Shreveport, Louisiana I had no idea I was poor until I got older. Sr. Margaret Rose told me I would be nothing more than a sales clerk at J.C,. Penny and there was no reason for me to go to college. But, I worked hard as did Patrick and we became blessed. Financially, we looked great on paper, but our family was a shamble. It is true that money doesn't buy happiness. We grasped at straws to try to put it back together, but it meant hitting rock bottom before we could claw our way out of a huge hole. After a year and a half of intensive counseling, both couples and individual, we were on the right track again. And, this hits. We came together as a family. A miracle...... our children were so angry with their father. I can't say I blame them. I was too. Some may think well maybe God is punishing him for what he did. I, however, do not feel that God, mine, yours or anyone's would bring this upon someone for retribution. This last Christmas, our daughter told Patrick that it was amazing how something so good could come out of something so awful. But, we were happy. Laughter filled the house. Gifts didn't matter, family for the first time was the most important thing. It was wonderful to see everyone come together. I guess we are like the Packers we took some hard hits and came back. Like a football team, it took lots of hard work and retraining. Our pre season training lasted longer but like a team we had to adjust and reinvent plays that would work.
Today the Packers will face the Steelers. Now, I have been in Texas long enough to remember the Love Ya Blue days with the Houston Oilers now the Tennessee Titans when the Steelers were our arch rivals. They were thought of as poor sports who did not play fair. And, I guess some of that still remains in my blood. So, even if I were not a Packer Backer, I would be cheering Green Bay onto victory. But, in football, like life there are no guarantees. Someone is bound to fumble or miss a catch, the quarterback may be caught off guard. But the game [life] will go on.. The players will adjust and the game will continue. I have to admit today my money is on both the Packers and Patrick. We've taken some licks but are still looking for victory.
Go Green Bay beat Pittsburgh........Go Patrick beat Cancer.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Not just people
Today, I went home for the first time in three day. It was a relief to drive into my own driveway. After assessing the damage of the "winter blast" I realized I would need to find someone to haul off one half of a tree and a substantial limb from another. Finding a person is really not that hard. Finding a person who will cut the limbs up to the size and weight specified by the department of sanitation and bind them with twine can be the hard part. They will drive right by if it it not to specifications. Oddly, these are the same people who when my father put some recycling in a non-approved container as our other was full passed them up. My dad had carefully written Al cans on the side. When I explained to him that many of the sanitation workers did not speak English, he responded, "Al is the international symbol for aluminum." I had to snicker when these men came by the house and I overheard one say in broken English. "NO, NO, those Al's." I do have to admit that I have been known to sneak "heavy" trash into my garbage cans. Yes, I trick our sanitation engineers from time to time. It simply blows my mind to think that I can't simply throw trash away. Several years ago our homeowners association actually sent out a letter to everyone explaining the proper way to dispose of glass. It has to be bagged and taped. Really???? How much did that cost??? But I digress.
As I opened the car door I was met with a melodious sound. OOOOOOOOO, Arf, Arf, Ouf, Ouf, I tell you the reception I was met with when I opened the door was short of amazing. Growing up I always had animals lots of cats and a dog. We were poor and my parents couldn't afford to spay an neuter. But, I loved them all. When my husband and I got married, he would not let me take my beloved golden shepherd Precious with us. Maybe had he allowed this, I would not be the animal whisperer I am today. Our litter consists of 4 dogs and 1 cat. Upon entering the house Kitten, original huh, met me at the back door and rolled on her stomach. I reached down and picked her up. Gosh that purr felt so good to hear. She is the one whose life has been least altered by this illness. She is the first cat that has taken a shine to Patrick. During the day she does not leave his side. She will perch on the tub while he showers, sit in the recliners in our bedroom while he naps and sleeps on the foot of his blanket when he naps on the sofa. At night she feels the need to kneed my stomach and legs. She gets three cans of real tuna a week and is rotten to the core. Now let me introduce the dogs. Missy our oldest is our 16 year old Boston Terrier who is deaf and blind. She is on a special diet because she can't digest animal protein. I spend a ton of money on her food. Next is our Pug, Buffy, the Thug Pug. Somewhere along the way, Buffy became the Alpha dog and bullies everyone. However, she can be so lovable. About two years ago, Patrick felt he wanted a male dog to bond with-enter Buddy the rescue Pug. He is a Roley poley ball of love who is happy just to snuggle with you. Finally, we have Mr. C. You know when some people talk of an inheritance they are speaking of a heirloom or money. Not me, Mr. C was willed to me by my father-in-law on his death bed. After my parents died I developed a very special relationship with Bob, he became my dad too. On the last night when he and I were alone, he told me I had to promise to take care of Mr. C (and after a real pregnant pause) and Pat. Of course, but you are going to get better. He died the next morning. Since I got married, we have not done large dogs. Large dogs, large land mines. Not into it. Mr. C is a labradoodle. When I was growing up those were considered Mutts, now they are designer dogs. I couldn't help but snicker when the Obama's were considering one of theses beasts for their daughters. 85 pounds of energy and they are not very bright. Mine has has irritable bowel syndrome and leaves rather large land mines every time we enter the dog obedience classes. Needless to say, we did not pass. In fact, I was so mortified we dropped out. As I opened their kennels they bounded out each jumping and licking me like I had been gone for a year. We have people come by and let them out twice a day, but it isn't the same for them.
They can no longer run willy-nilly around the house. They have to say in the den area and only when I am home. They can't be out when Patrick is out. They no longer can sleep in our bedroom but must be kenneled at night something they are not used to doing. But for me they are a source of normalcy. I know that each day Mr. C will try to steal something off the counter, Buffy will jump up and watch TV with me and Buddy will snuggle on the other side. These are things I can count on each day. From them there is unconditional love. I feel like they know I am sad. And it is their job to love me back to me.
I guess where this is leading is the fact that cancer effects everything even the least of the members of your family. Yet, they can be some of the most important. They can provide a way to relax and feel like you still have control over something. With Patrick, Kitten has become his buddy. He misses the dogs but knows one day he will be able to love on them again. She loves on him and for now that makes him very happy.
As I opened the car door I was met with a melodious sound. OOOOOOOOO, Arf, Arf, Ouf, Ouf, I tell you the reception I was met with when I opened the door was short of amazing. Growing up I always had animals lots of cats and a dog. We were poor and my parents couldn't afford to spay an neuter. But, I loved them all. When my husband and I got married, he would not let me take my beloved golden shepherd Precious with us. Maybe had he allowed this, I would not be the animal whisperer I am today. Our litter consists of 4 dogs and 1 cat. Upon entering the house Kitten, original huh, met me at the back door and rolled on her stomach. I reached down and picked her up. Gosh that purr felt so good to hear. She is the one whose life has been least altered by this illness. She is the first cat that has taken a shine to Patrick. During the day she does not leave his side. She will perch on the tub while he showers, sit in the recliners in our bedroom while he naps and sleeps on the foot of his blanket when he naps on the sofa. At night she feels the need to kneed my stomach and legs. She gets three cans of real tuna a week and is rotten to the core. Now let me introduce the dogs. Missy our oldest is our 16 year old Boston Terrier who is deaf and blind. She is on a special diet because she can't digest animal protein. I spend a ton of money on her food. Next is our Pug, Buffy, the Thug Pug. Somewhere along the way, Buffy became the Alpha dog and bullies everyone. However, she can be so lovable. About two years ago, Patrick felt he wanted a male dog to bond with-enter Buddy the rescue Pug. He is a Roley poley ball of love who is happy just to snuggle with you. Finally, we have Mr. C. You know when some people talk of an inheritance they are speaking of a heirloom or money. Not me, Mr. C was willed to me by my father-in-law on his death bed. After my parents died I developed a very special relationship with Bob, he became my dad too. On the last night when he and I were alone, he told me I had to promise to take care of Mr. C (and after a real pregnant pause) and Pat. Of course, but you are going to get better. He died the next morning. Since I got married, we have not done large dogs. Large dogs, large land mines. Not into it. Mr. C is a labradoodle. When I was growing up those were considered Mutts, now they are designer dogs. I couldn't help but snicker when the Obama's were considering one of theses beasts for their daughters. 85 pounds of energy and they are not very bright. Mine has has irritable bowel syndrome and leaves rather large land mines every time we enter the dog obedience classes. Needless to say, we did not pass. In fact, I was so mortified we dropped out. As I opened their kennels they bounded out each jumping and licking me like I had been gone for a year. We have people come by and let them out twice a day, but it isn't the same for them.
They can no longer run willy-nilly around the house. They have to say in the den area and only when I am home. They can't be out when Patrick is out. They no longer can sleep in our bedroom but must be kenneled at night something they are not used to doing. But for me they are a source of normalcy. I know that each day Mr. C will try to steal something off the counter, Buffy will jump up and watch TV with me and Buddy will snuggle on the other side. These are things I can count on each day. From them there is unconditional love. I feel like they know I am sad. And it is their job to love me back to me.
I guess where this is leading is the fact that cancer effects everything even the least of the members of your family. Yet, they can be some of the most important. They can provide a way to relax and feel like you still have control over something. With Patrick, Kitten has become his buddy. He misses the dogs but knows one day he will be able to love on them again. She loves on him and for now that makes him very happy.
Friday, February 4, 2011
New Day New Beginnings
It is an unusual day for Texas. It is 28 degrees and for Houston, well we don't handle this kind of cold well. I haven't written in a couple of days. Things have kind of been crazy. Patrick had stopped eating and he was getting to be very difficult to live with as a person. They call this chemo brain. He has difficulty remembering things. And, no matter how nicely you remind him he will still snap your head off. I have noticed that this only seems to happen to those in the family. Others are not subject to the wrath of Pat. So, needless to say, I was very thankful that the doctors admitted him early. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Every Wednesday I am privileged to have almost 2 hours of lunch duty. Yes, I who have a 140 IQ & two Master's degrees actually push a trash can around a cafeteria full of teenagers. Often I think many were raised in barns and should never have been weened from sippy cups. They spill a lot. I'm pretty sure that I may be one of the few duty personnel who actually push a can around. But, my cafeteria is near spotless on Wednesday. And, believe it or not this is actually a high point of my week. I get to talk to students and get to know other kids besides those on my case load. So, Wednesday is actually my favorite day of the week. This Wednesday was a bit different. At the end of the day, I realized I really did not want to go home. I knew that no matter how good of mood I was in my evening would end the same way- being chewed up and spit out for apparently no reason and alone. I don't know whether it was a gut feeling or just a need to be alone to center myself, messing around on my computer seemed like the thing to do. When it got to around 4:30 I decided it was time to head home. Our daughter called me on my way home, which was not unusual, we talk everyday on my way home. Today she warned me about her father. "He is on a tear." And, boy was she right.
That evening he got angry when I reminded him of an event that he did not remember. And, if you know me personally, the joke is that to some I seem rude and abrupt. It's not that, I am quite and if I don't know you I really don't have a lot to say. And furthermore, I tend to be very honest-not in a mean way- but honest. I don't sugar coat things, but I do help provide a pillow and a way to not feel like you have been dropped off a building. So, I reminded him in a kind and gentle manner. Don't you remember blah blah. He went off. Those of you who know me intimately know that I have seen him do some pretty stupid things, but I have never seen him violent. He was so angry that he actually threw the phone across the room. Stormed out of the room slamming doors and closed himself up in our bedroom. I did not follow. My training as a counselor told me to let him have some time to think. After about an hour he realized what he had done and apologized. However, this to me was a wake up call to both of us. The next day, he put in a call to MDA and let his doctor know how bad he was really feeling.
In addition, a friend of mine who is going through her own personal battle told me about the mymda account. I was able to set it up and I could see his appointments. This will help him in the future. When I called to tell him about it he said that he had called the doctor and they had instructed him to go get some blood work taken. He would know in about an hour or around 11:30 if he needed a transfusion or what. By 1 he was headed to the hospital to be admitted for chemo. As the weather began to change I began to pray, "Please Lord, let them call school for tomorrow." My prayer was answered. I don't have to burn a day. I finished the day and got things together then made my way to the hospital. I was met by the manager of valet parking. He informed me that I was here for the night. Great, I am prepared. I have my computer and all my student files that I need to work on. I think the poor little guy wasn't prepared for the weight of my suitcase. I am a very good packer.
I arrived in the hospital with a sense of dread. I hate hospitals but I love my husband more so I suck it up and don't complain. I think they smell funny. But, this seemed different. I didn't notice the smell. People were smiling even those pushing poles of chemo drugs around. I made my way to the room. It is huge. The room is twice the size of our master bedroom. Floors are wood-look vinyl. It feels more like a home. I have a real couch that pulls out into a full size twin bed. No metal bars on my back. I have my own TV so I don't have to watch what Patrick is watching. Food is ordered through room service. It is awesome. I can even have a tray delivered. So, as much as I loved the staff at St. Luke's I do have to admit the digs here are much better. Doctor's and nurses funneled in out out until around 11 pm. After that I had a wonder nights sleep. Patrick still did not sleep well but he was being pumped with fluids. This morning we awoke to ice on the freeway. Ice cripples Houston, we do heat really well.....cold not so much. Even though the hospital is short staffed the people are very nice and accommodating. We are now waiting on starting a new regimen of treatment. It's not experimental. Patrick won't be a lab rat- just a rat. I am feeling better. I have hope. I have faith, more than a mustard seed (thanks Jan). There are so many things for which I have to be thankful....my family, my friends, my life, and heck even my pets. It is a new day, with new hope, renewed faith and love. Make the best of today no matter where you are.
Every Wednesday I am privileged to have almost 2 hours of lunch duty. Yes, I who have a 140 IQ & two Master's degrees actually push a trash can around a cafeteria full of teenagers. Often I think many were raised in barns and should never have been weened from sippy cups. They spill a lot. I'm pretty sure that I may be one of the few duty personnel who actually push a can around. But, my cafeteria is near spotless on Wednesday. And, believe it or not this is actually a high point of my week. I get to talk to students and get to know other kids besides those on my case load. So, Wednesday is actually my favorite day of the week. This Wednesday was a bit different. At the end of the day, I realized I really did not want to go home. I knew that no matter how good of mood I was in my evening would end the same way- being chewed up and spit out for apparently no reason and alone. I don't know whether it was a gut feeling or just a need to be alone to center myself, messing around on my computer seemed like the thing to do. When it got to around 4:30 I decided it was time to head home. Our daughter called me on my way home, which was not unusual, we talk everyday on my way home. Today she warned me about her father. "He is on a tear." And, boy was she right.
That evening he got angry when I reminded him of an event that he did not remember. And, if you know me personally, the joke is that to some I seem rude and abrupt. It's not that, I am quite and if I don't know you I really don't have a lot to say. And furthermore, I tend to be very honest-not in a mean way- but honest. I don't sugar coat things, but I do help provide a pillow and a way to not feel like you have been dropped off a building. So, I reminded him in a kind and gentle manner. Don't you remember blah blah. He went off. Those of you who know me intimately know that I have seen him do some pretty stupid things, but I have never seen him violent. He was so angry that he actually threw the phone across the room. Stormed out of the room slamming doors and closed himself up in our bedroom. I did not follow. My training as a counselor told me to let him have some time to think. After about an hour he realized what he had done and apologized. However, this to me was a wake up call to both of us. The next day, he put in a call to MDA and let his doctor know how bad he was really feeling.
In addition, a friend of mine who is going through her own personal battle told me about the mymda account. I was able to set it up and I could see his appointments. This will help him in the future. When I called to tell him about it he said that he had called the doctor and they had instructed him to go get some blood work taken. He would know in about an hour or around 11:30 if he needed a transfusion or what. By 1 he was headed to the hospital to be admitted for chemo. As the weather began to change I began to pray, "Please Lord, let them call school for tomorrow." My prayer was answered. I don't have to burn a day. I finished the day and got things together then made my way to the hospital. I was met by the manager of valet parking. He informed me that I was here for the night. Great, I am prepared. I have my computer and all my student files that I need to work on. I think the poor little guy wasn't prepared for the weight of my suitcase. I am a very good packer.
I arrived in the hospital with a sense of dread. I hate hospitals but I love my husband more so I suck it up and don't complain. I think they smell funny. But, this seemed different. I didn't notice the smell. People were smiling even those pushing poles of chemo drugs around. I made my way to the room. It is huge. The room is twice the size of our master bedroom. Floors are wood-look vinyl. It feels more like a home. I have a real couch that pulls out into a full size twin bed. No metal bars on my back. I have my own TV so I don't have to watch what Patrick is watching. Food is ordered through room service. It is awesome. I can even have a tray delivered. So, as much as I loved the staff at St. Luke's I do have to admit the digs here are much better. Doctor's and nurses funneled in out out until around 11 pm. After that I had a wonder nights sleep. Patrick still did not sleep well but he was being pumped with fluids. This morning we awoke to ice on the freeway. Ice cripples Houston, we do heat really well.....cold not so much. Even though the hospital is short staffed the people are very nice and accommodating. We are now waiting on starting a new regimen of treatment. It's not experimental. Patrick won't be a lab rat- just a rat. I am feeling better. I have hope. I have faith, more than a mustard seed (thanks Jan). There are so many things for which I have to be thankful....my family, my friends, my life, and heck even my pets. It is a new day, with new hope, renewed faith and love. Make the best of today no matter where you are.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
World on a String
I love movies. No, I mean I really, really love movies. I haven't been "out" to one in a while but my On Demand bill is larger than I would like. On occasion especially when I am working with kids, I often reference movies they like.....yeah I even watched that Twilight stuff. I wasn't real impressed, but the kids thought it was cool that I could talk with them about it. My tastes have always leaned toward science fiction so I really prefer X-Files type movies. I guess I really do believe that the truth is out there. That is what I an choosing to believe.
You know there are times when you can feel like you are an actor in a grand play. Funny thing is you don't know your lines you're are just ad libbing--reacting to things around you. Waiting for the director to yell, "Cut". And, at time, we want to have the opportunity to replay a scene-to add more emotion to change the outcome. Unfortunately we don't have that chance. We only get one take in our play. Each scene must be played to out best ability. It matters what we say, how we make people feel. We get one shot at life here on earth. So we need to make our performance matter. We need to make people feel like they matter. Words are powerful.....bit not just the words but how we say them. Too often we forget that. Words are said in haste, in anger....we can no more take them back than if we were to go to the top of a tall building and rip open a feather pillow, then try to find all the feathers. I would love to take credit for that analogy but I heard it years go. So, we need to make sure that we make the best of each day. We can never tell our loved ones how much they mean to us. I am blessed to have not just my family, My husband, my best friend, has his own journey. We have no guarantees about any treatment. Heck we don't even know what they are going to do. We are just waiting for the director to say, Action." I am immensely proud of my children. My daughter is the kind of person you can't help but fall in love with-she's my Julia Roberts or Anne Hathaway.. She is witty, smart and bubbly. I personally think she is beautiful..but I am her mom so what do I know. I see her as a fairy princess. My son, my James Dean, I see as the rebel without a cause. Then other times he is Harrison Ford, adventurous and always fighting for the underdog. And our newest member, my beautiful daughter-in-law. She is my Audry Hepburn classic beauty and able to tame James Dean. As a family we must now give an Oscar winning performance. In addition there is a whole cast of characters who are helping us threw each scene. Our friends are amazing. Prayers and kind words lift us up more than you know. It makes you see how we are really all connected. We are all in this Grand Play together. Whether you are a comedian or one who holds our hands as we take some unknown steps. You are all part of it and never forget you are appreciated.
One of my favorite movie scenes is at the end of Men in Black. The locker opens up and the ball that was around the cat's neck shows the universe. Then the camera pans out and shows that the universe is really part of another universe and so on. I guess the point of tonight's blog is that we sometimes see ourselves as our own world on a string. But we are not our world is attached to another which is attached to another.. And in times when we need others isn't that a wonderful thought.
You know there are times when you can feel like you are an actor in a grand play. Funny thing is you don't know your lines you're are just ad libbing--reacting to things around you. Waiting for the director to yell, "Cut". And, at time, we want to have the opportunity to replay a scene-to add more emotion to change the outcome. Unfortunately we don't have that chance. We only get one take in our play. Each scene must be played to out best ability. It matters what we say, how we make people feel. We get one shot at life here on earth. So we need to make our performance matter. We need to make people feel like they matter. Words are powerful.....bit not just the words but how we say them. Too often we forget that. Words are said in haste, in anger....we can no more take them back than if we were to go to the top of a tall building and rip open a feather pillow, then try to find all the feathers. I would love to take credit for that analogy but I heard it years go. So, we need to make sure that we make the best of each day. We can never tell our loved ones how much they mean to us. I am blessed to have not just my family, My husband, my best friend, has his own journey. We have no guarantees about any treatment. Heck we don't even know what they are going to do. We are just waiting for the director to say, Action." I am immensely proud of my children. My daughter is the kind of person you can't help but fall in love with-she's my Julia Roberts or Anne Hathaway.. She is witty, smart and bubbly. I personally think she is beautiful..but I am her mom so what do I know. I see her as a fairy princess. My son, my James Dean, I see as the rebel without a cause. Then other times he is Harrison Ford, adventurous and always fighting for the underdog. And our newest member, my beautiful daughter-in-law. She is my Audry Hepburn classic beauty and able to tame James Dean. As a family we must now give an Oscar winning performance. In addition there is a whole cast of characters who are helping us threw each scene. Our friends are amazing. Prayers and kind words lift us up more than you know. It makes you see how we are really all connected. We are all in this Grand Play together. Whether you are a comedian or one who holds our hands as we take some unknown steps. You are all part of it and never forget you are appreciated.
One of my favorite movie scenes is at the end of Men in Black. The locker opens up and the ball that was around the cat's neck shows the universe. Then the camera pans out and shows that the universe is really part of another universe and so on. I guess the point of tonight's blog is that we sometimes see ourselves as our own world on a string. But we are not our world is attached to another which is attached to another.. And in times when we need others isn't that a wonderful thought.
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