New Day New Beginnings

It is an unusual day for Texas.  It is 28 degrees and for Houston, well we don't handle this kind of cold well.  I haven't written in a couple of days.  Things have kind of been crazy.  Patrick had stopped eating and he was getting to be very difficult to live with as a person.  They call this chemo brain.  He has difficulty remembering things.  And, no matter how nicely you remind him he will still snap your head off.  I have noticed that this only seems to happen to those in the family.  Others are not subject to the wrath of Pat.  So, needless to say, I was very thankful that the doctors admitted him early.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

Every Wednesday I am privileged to have almost 2 hours of lunch duty.  Yes, I who have a 140 IQ & two Master's degrees actually push a trash can around a cafeteria full of teenagers.  Often I think many were raised in barns and should never have been weened from sippy cups.  They spill a lot.  I'm pretty sure that I may be one of the few duty personnel who actually push a can around.  But, my cafeteria is near spotless on Wednesday.  And, believe it or not this is actually a high point of my week.  I get to talk to students and get to know other kids besides those on my case load.  So, Wednesday is actually my favorite day of the week.  This Wednesday was a bit different.  At the end of the day, I realized I really did not want to go home.  I knew that no matter how good of mood I was in my evening would end the same way- being chewed up and spit out for apparently no reason and alone.  I don't know whether it was a gut feeling or just a need to be alone to center myself, messing around on my computer seemed like the thing to do.  When it got to around 4:30 I decided it was time to head home.  Our daughter called me on my way home, which was not unusual, we talk everyday on my way home.  Today she warned me about her father.  "He is on a tear."  And, boy was she right.

That evening he got angry when I reminded him of an event that he did not remember.  And, if you know me personally, the joke is that to some I seem rude and abrupt.  It's not that, I am quite and if I don't know you I really don't have a lot to say.  And furthermore, I tend to be very honest-not in a mean way- but honest.  I don't sugar coat things, but I do help provide a pillow and a way to not feel like you have been dropped off a building.  So, I reminded him in a kind and gentle manner.  Don't you remember blah blah.  He went off.  Those of you who know me intimately know that I have seen him do some pretty stupid things, but I have never seen him violent.  He was so angry that he actually threw the phone across the room.  Stormed out of the room slamming doors and closed himself up in our bedroom.  I did not follow.  My training as a counselor told me to let him have some time to think.  After about an hour he realized what he had done and apologized.  However, this to me was a wake up call to both of us.  The next day, he put in a call to MDA and let his doctor know how bad he was really feeling. 

In addition, a friend of mine who is going through her own personal battle told me about the mymda account.  I was able to set it up and I could see his appointments.  This will help him in the future. When I called to tell him about it he said that he had called the doctor and they had instructed him to go get some blood work taken.  He would know in about an hour or around 11:30 if he needed a transfusion or what.  By 1 he was headed to the hospital to be admitted for chemo.  As the weather began to change I began to pray, "Please Lord, let them call school for tomorrow."  My prayer was answered.  I don't have to burn a day.  I finished the day and got things together then made my way to the hospital.  I was met by the manager of valet parking.  He informed me that I was here for the night.  Great, I am prepared.  I have my computer and all my student files that I need to work on.  I think the poor little guy wasn't prepared for the weight of my suitcase.  I am a very good packer. 

I arrived in the hospital with a sense of dread.  I hate hospitals but I love my husband more so I suck it up and don't complain.  I think they smell funny.  But, this seemed different.  I didn't notice the smell.  People were smiling even those pushing poles of chemo drugs around.  I made my way to the room.  It is huge.  The room is twice the size of our master bedroom.  Floors are wood-look vinyl.  It feels more like a home.  I have a real couch that pulls out into a full size twin bed.  No metal bars on my back.  I have my own TV so I don't have to watch what Patrick is watching.  Food is ordered through room service.  It is awesome.  I can even have a tray delivered.  So, as much as I loved the staff at St. Luke's I do have to admit the digs here are much better.  Doctor's and nurses funneled in out out until around 11 pm.  After that I had a wonder nights sleep.  Patrick still did not sleep well but he was being pumped with fluids.  This morning we awoke to ice on the freeway.  Ice cripples Houston, we do heat really well.....cold not so much.  Even though the hospital is short staffed the people are very nice and accommodating.  We are now waiting on starting a new regimen of treatment.  It's not experimental.  Patrick won't be a lab rat- just a rat.  I am feeling better.  I have hope.  I have faith, more than a mustard seed (thanks Jan).  There are so many things for which I have to be thankful....my family, my friends, my life, and heck even my pets.  It is a new day, with new hope, renewed faith and love.  Make the best of today no matter where you are.